i want to call you momma, like that, cause i feel like forrest

today i woke up to the songs of "ill be home for christmas"

my dads in the christmas mood

it was raining and chilly and it was a nice start

i had turkey ham sandwich. HAHA CHRISTMAS

i went to school to study it wasn't productive. only did one chapter of snells properly. damn. was also VERY DISTRACTED by having to find excuses to avoid studying with a certain someone. i hate this person. hate.
(why do you hang out with him?)

i went out with momma for the first time in ages

cause shes been sick, and ive been mugging

talked bout so many things

i told her about the person i hate and all the shit he does and the lies he tells. and she agrees hes a bastard too. and i tell her bout my og and how we aint fitting. how the people are nice and likable but foreign and disconnected.

then i told her bout how great 3h was. how much i fucking missed the things my X-class used to do.

told her bout rooftop sparklers, cricket matches, united nations style studying

ive never told her that before i guess its cause it was a secret that i wanted only us to know, as if telling anyone else might dilute the preciousness of the moments.

but i told her anyway and she told me i must treasure the memories

and i said yea they are only memories cause people move on and its inevitable and i accept

i told her ive come to terms with being alone most of the time and going solo.
these few months.

she told me to try and make more friends.

then we talked bout marriage and relationships and stuff

i hope shes happy that im more thoughtful and mature now
cause i am

we aint young anymore, me, momma, daddy, granny

she bought a christmas green jacket

i tried frolics for the first time (slow i know, i know)

she boasted bout how good the cheesecake she made for church lunch was
how someone wanted her to make it for their wedding, wedding, wedding

we took a cab home (wheres daddy?)

it was still raining and i couldnt run
 

boy it was good
 

when it was alive, it probably beat so hard for someone, it was close to exploding

ok lets be frank here

we are each allowed our own feelings and thoughts

and right now, im really upset 

people search for acceptance,

try to gain it in different ways

and maybe i can find/have found mine

do you dare to dream?

do i still dare to dream?